Los Angeles: Singer Ellie Goulding says she owes her life to music because it saved her from dark depression.
“From a very young age, music was absolutely everything to me. It was the ultimate companion – the strongest remedy for any kind of pain or sadness. Often it was the only way I’d be able to say what I wanted to say or describe how I was feeling… So to not have it in my life, I don’t even know if I’d be with you guys today,” Goulding told The Sun newspaper.
Goulding had earlier said her anxiety peaked when she shot into the limelight in 2010.
She said: “My life completely changed when my career started taking off in 2010. I was thrilled, of course – sharing my music with the world was a dream I’d been working toward for years -but it was a lot all at once. Suddenly, I was living alone in London and everything was happening so fast.
“I started having panic attacks, and the scariest part was it could be triggered by anything. I used to cover my face with a pillow whenever I had to walk outside from the car to the studio. My new life as a pop star certainly was not as glamorous as all my friends from home thought.”
She says she was “secretly” struggling physically and emotionally.
“I think part of what sparked my panic attacks was not feeling confident enough to believe in myself – I was scared I was not as good of a singer as everyone thought I was. And as the stakes grew, I was afraid of letting everyone, including myself, down.”