Amatur Rahman

The times have moved far beyond the man might have imagined over the ages. The advancement in science and technology has taken us far ahead. A vertical increase in social mobility can be observed around. Social change is prominent but the ‘cultural lag’ persists. Cultural lag in Indian Society is basically a hard-core barrier in the chase towards becoming a developed nation. “Cultural lag” refers to the fact that culture takes time to catch up with technological innovations, resulting in social problems. We are not ready to give up the stereotype mindset and go along with the demands of the times. It's strange that a person like me is writing something who herself believes in sticking to one’s own roots, beliefs and values. An audio clip from one of my students who has some extraordinary qualities shattered me. It gave me a jerk, and made me stop and ponder, “Are we really progressing?” Do we, as parents of young girls, have the authority to force a girl into a marriage in which she is not interested? Let me make it clear at this point that I am not talking about those small percentage of girls, who are liberal and have already taken the world in their stride. My focus is on the other group who abide by the decisions of their parents/guardians/elders. The one who is ‘timid’, the one who always accepts the decisions of her elders, is expected to listen and follow the decision-makers blindly. While fixing a marriage proposal, undue pressure is created over the girl with emotional statements like, “Khandaan ki izzat ka sawal hai; kya tum sab ke liye itna nahi kar sakti…? If you agree to this proposal the path for the marriages of your younger sisters will be easier.” The obedient daughter fails to find an answer to counter such statements and turndown the proposal even if she is not interested in it at all. What will these expectations result in? Shall we stake the entire life of our girl with a person in whom she is not interested to take her life ahead? In these modern times there still exist families who bring upon pressure on their dutiful daughters to go for the match selected by their parents or influential members of the family. I am not saying that the match must not be made based on the choice of the parents. What I am trying to say is that the perspective and ambitions of the girls should be taken into consideration. In most cases, they are intelligent humans who have dreams and the determination to achieve them. They too have high aims and big goals. They believe that they have the ability to work hard and achieve them. In my opinion, they should not be pushed into an atmosphere with a man, who she believes does not suit her or does not have the ability to help her achieve her dream. On the other hand, she firmly believes that her parents would help her in carrying on with the pursuit of her objectives. Let us not impose upon them a ‘life-partner’ whom they think is absolutely incompatible. Do not create a situation for young lovely girls to assume that ‘it is a curse to be born as a girl.’ Give them the space to put forward a reason for selecting or rejecting a person with whom she is likely to spend the rest of her life. More and more parents are educating their girls, giving them the liberty to select the stream of their choice and, excel in what they have chosen. The process of educating girls is important. But understanding the essence of providing education is missing. In most cases they suddenly find ‘a suitable boy’ ‘worthy’ or ‘wealthy’ for their daughter to spend her entire life with. It is as if you give her the wings to fly and then abruptly cut them off, by not taking the consent of the girl in the most important decision of her life. The girls, who are mentally strong and self-directed, make their own decisions and assure that others accept them and ignore those who do not. But those girls, who prioritize the happiness of their parents and family over their own, tend to compromise and go with the call. At such crucial points, parents need to respect their call and value their decisions. They should make sure to have ‘unpressurized’ consent of their daughter before making the ultimate decision. My request to parents is that let the flowers which you nurtured to grow and bloom, spread their fragrance in their new homes. Please do not force them to select a life partner under undue pressure. Amatur Rehman Maimoona is a Research Scholar in Education with Maulana Azad National Urdu University, Hyderabad.

Amatur Rahman

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